Choosing A Wedding Officiant
How To Choose Your Wedding Officiant
You’re getting married. Congratulations!
Whether you have been planning for this moment for months or years or everything has happened so fast; it is here. The proposal has been popped, you’ve said, “YES!” and now you and everyone you talk with have so many questions that it feels like a scene from the interrogation room in an international spy movie.
As you begin to plan and make choices on everything from venues and invitations to place settings and first dance songs, you will also want to consider who will officiate your ceremony.
Over the past four hundred years or so, the who, what, when, and how of wedding ceremonies have shifted from getting permission from the regional monarch to the vows of a particular religion or faith to your brother-in-law with an online ordination certificate. And although it may not be as regimented or formal as it once was, you likely want your ceremony to have some semblance of order, sincerity, and personalization as you express your love and commitment to each other.
In 2022, 2.6 million weddings happened in the US. Recent surveys indicate there are around 350,000 “worship centers” (churches, synagogues, mosques, etc.) in the US and well over a million Pastors, Priests, Iman, Rabbis, Judges, and other qualified individuals who can officiate weddings. Additionally, there are 300,000+ wedding venues not counting backyards or courthouses.
Once you have announced, “we’re getting married,” you will likely start the planning and paying phase for your Big Day. With 2.6 million ceremonies a year, the Wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar market with thousands of companies and organizations prepared to help you plan and spend money. Maybe this is where you currently find yourself: planning, making choices, and sending Venmo payments.
With all of these people and places focused on delivering everything from the simple “I do’s” at the courthouse to the ornate and solemn vows in a religious venue to the fairytale ceremonies and receptions at an outdoor paradise, you will not find a line item or bullet point on very many Wedding Planner Guides for “select Wedding Officiant.”
This is probably the reason you just now googled, “wedding officiant in my area.”
So, the question is, “why are you looking for someone online” instead of someone you know? The answer is likely because you don’t currently have a connection with one of those worship centers or any of those qualified people.
You are not alone. The cultural and religious shifts along with the digital age have left many without a personal connection with a Minister, Priest, Iman, etc., who can provide the guidance, consultation, or credentials to officiate your ceremony. And if you are still not willing to risk your brother-in-law slipping in “mawwiage” to start your ceremony, you need some help locating and evaluating a Wedding Officiant.
So go ahead and type in “wedding officiant in my area” into your browser and start reading profiles. Narrow the list to two or three that fit the criteria of what is important to you and click the “contact me” button.
Once you have found a few Officiants to consider, how do you make a choice?
You either like chocolate or vanilla or red velvet cake. You’ve had the colors decided since you were in middle school. The venue was available for your date and fit your budget. But how do you evaluate a Wedding Officiant?
Here are a few questions to ask someone as you consider them as an Officiant for your wedding ceremony. There is nothing distinctly “right or wrong” within the list. However, each item or question should be considered upfront so that you can make a decision on whether a particular Officiant is a good fit for you as a couple.
Are they qualified?
Do they have the credentials or certification for the State you are getting married in to complete and sign the marriage license so that you are officially married?
Are they ordained or have the authority to perform the ceremony in the religion or religious venue you are selecting?
Do they have the experience to create, organize, and perform your ceremony?
Do they have references or referrals that you can read online or people you can contact?
Can they provide samples and ideas from their experience or other ceremonies to help you narrow down what you want to include in your ceremony?
Are they available for your date, time, and location?
This seems like a straightforward question but be sure to communicate the exact times and expectations you and the venue have and get a written commitment from the Officiant.
You may also want to ask them about their “backup” plan if something occurs at the last minute (illness, personal circumstances, etc.).
Do they have any rules, requirements, or qualifications that you must meet?
Does the church, religious organization, or institution have requirements that you must meet or apply for so that they can officiate your ceremony?
This could include required premarital counseling, a certain number of meetings with the Officiant, articles to read, written forms, vows or statements of faith, or contracts.
If so, you need to consider if you want to do what is necessary to meet these requirements.
What are their fees?
Are their fees all-inclusive?
Do they charge additional fees for the rehearsal, materials, travel, meetings, or other items?
How do they create or write a ceremony?
Do they use a template or required script that is approved or required by their church, denomination, or faith?
Do they have a cookie-cutter “fill-in-blank” form?
Do they customize the ceremony specifically to you with your story, thoughts, and ideas?
Again, there is no “right or wrong” way to do this, but you will want to know upfront.
If they customize the ceremony to fit your unique story, how will they gather the relevant information?
This may entail additional meetings, forms, or worksheets and you will want to plan for this additional time and effort.
What is their process and how much do you get to contribute to or edit the script?
Do you “connect” with them?
This is completely subjective but important.
Do you connect with them? Do you feel comfortable with the person?
When you left the meeting or Zoom call, did you think, “they made that all about me? Or all about them?”
The Officiant is going to be talking to your family and friends about you and telling your story. You want to believe they can do it well and are confident they will deliver it with the appropriate tone and expression that will reflect who you are in that moment.
Congratulations on finding the love of your life and all your future plans together. Enjoy this process and the people around you as you walk through each decision in the planning process. It is a lot, but it will go by so quickly. And remember, flowers, music, and pictures fade, but people and relationships are forever.